It was just another summer day in June when the Blake family decided that they would spend the day at the beach. The family of five included three children in which involved two boys and one girl. The two boys, Bennie Blake and Barney Blake, were tough older brothers the age of sixteen who often ate only oatmeal and chicken. Bailey Blake was just a tiny little girl who was approaching her fifth birthday. Bailey loved her older brothers, but . always struggled to keep up with their miscellaneous actions. She also had a great love for her puppy, a small male poodle that took the name of Poncho. Poncho loved the outdoors. He especially loved going to the beach with the Blakes because he knew he would always get to play his favorite game of fetch. The Blakes finally arrived at the Blueberry sand beach after about an hour and a half drive west. The twins broke out of the van just in time as they nearly made an accident after competing in a water drinking competition in the backseat. Bailey and Poncho also escaped the car and ran toward the beautiful clear water to play their daily game of fetch. Bailey launched the floatable ball into the waves for Poncho to retrieve, but just when Poncho began to sprint after it a UFO appeared and abducted him away! Soon all the dogs on the beach were disappearing into the alien spacecraft! Bailey shrieked in horror as she searched for her twin brothers, but they were out of sight. Then out of no where came a mini van flying into the ski with rockets for wheels. The mini van collided with the spacecraft and set all the puppies free to fall down into the ocean water. It was raining dogs and soon they all were swimming back to shore to find their owners. Bailey was crying of happiness once she was reunited with her best pal Poncho. She looked up to then see two figures parachuting backdown to safety from the crash. She blinked her eyes twice and then came to realize that it was Mama and Papa Blake. They were the ones that saved the dogs! Bailey thanked her parents greatly and questioned them on their abilities to stop such creatures. She was considered about their thoughts on such a surprising event, but Papa Blake said barely anything except for "nothing shocks me i'm a scientist".
make sure to read your blog over after writing it! there are a few mistypes at the beginning. I wasn't expecting that type of ending at all haha. you used very strong vocabulary within your story with made it a much better read! good job!
Your story was very creative with lots of discriptions of the characters. But I feel that some discriptions may have been better left out such as when it says that the brothers often ate only oatmeal and chicken. The story was very entertaining, and it would make a good cartoon.
A cold dreary day awaited Max as he awoke from his tired sleep. He leaned over to check the time, the clock read 5:30 am and he sighed heavily not wanting to get up. Eventually he had worked up enough energy to do so and did his morning routine; shower, breakfast, and go. As Max drove to work he felt that something was not right, that something bad had happened and he worried of his ongoing experiment. He had always wondered if the other workers would've been able to handle "it" or if they had the skills to properly watch the experiment. As he pulled up to his work place he was suddenly aware of the rains noise on his car roof and the way the trees swayed with the overwhelming wind. The door to his laboratory was open and torn off its hinges, he panicked. Sweat had started to form on his forehead, his heart could no longer be contained as it beat so alarmingly fast, and he couldn't move. Max sat in his parked car as the trees swayed and the rain fell, time was moving in slow motion for him. Finally he had to know what had happened and if everyone was okay inside. He shut off his car, opened the door and ran to the front steps of the now wrecked building. There were no lights inside just one flickering at the end of the hall, he took out his phone and used the flashlight. The area in front of him lit up and he felt sick to his stomach. Before him lay the body of an intern who was working there for the summer, Max had not known her personally and she couldn't have been more than twenty-three years of age. Her body lay at his feet, cold eyes staring up into the ceiling, the cause of death is clear as he examines the body closer, her neck was broken as well as bruising on the ribs as if she was sat upon by the person and suffocated as well as her neck being broken. Max stopped and told himself he needed to find "it" before anyone else is killed. He walked around the lifeless body slowly and continued his way down the hallway. When he entered the door at the end of the corridor that led to his own personal lab, he felt the cold breeze that was being let in by the open door, the smell of formaldehyde was strong and made Max stop to catch his breath. The table in the middle of the room had straps and belts to contain something or rather a person. Max knew exactly what was supposed to be in those belts and on the table. Medical tools lay scattered around the ground, dried blood splatters were on the floor everywhere but those were not the workers blood. The blood belonged to "it" this thing endured rigorous experimentation and tests of which there was no end. As Max walked up to the table a surge of anger flowed through him that shocked his entire body. He shook with rage towards this idiotic thing that was only good for his experiments and how it could get away. Suddenly he heard a clatter behind him, he quickly turned around and was met face to face with the subject of his evil doings. She had brown hair that was cut short, her face had been sunken in, her eyes held no life whatsoever, and her body was thin and covered in scars of all degrees. There was a wedding ring on her finger, the same one that matched Max's. He knows this because he bought them for their wedding. This "it" was his wife. Max's wife stood silently as he stared asking millions of questions as to why she returned but one thought made him laugh. This laugh was laced with evil intentions as he stared at her, she looked startled. His face suddenly contort and tweeted with hate he walked towards her and grabbed a syringe. She tried to fight him but was no match as he plunged the needle into her body silencing her. He picked her up and turned around, the smile that adorned his face contained pure malice and insanity. He said that line that made him laugh not even a few minutes ago, "you should know that nothing shocks me anymore sweetie, I am a scientist."
Honestly, your ending was a great plot twist! 😂😂😂 I can picture this as a basis for a great scary movie. Just to make this a little easier to read, I would break up the one huge paragraph into smaller ones. One huge paragraph sometimes looses the attention of the reader. Maybe adding some more dialogue between him and the 'it' would have been even better. 😂
I agree with Bobbi. You also had a well established setting at the beginning. I like when I can picture your story in my head and make a "mental movie" out of your story. Very well written.
I also liked the ending! It was very funny! I agree with Bobbi also that if you broke up the story into paragraphs it would of been easier to read. But other than that I did enjoy the story!
It was another warm Friday morning and Callie woke up and began to get ready for school. She had long blonde hair with eyes as blue as the ocean. Callie didn’t have a mean bone in her body. She had woken up late so she had to skip breakfast and run to catch the faded yellow bus with a driver behind the wheel that didn’t wait for anyone. Callie had just made the bus and when she arrived at the school her three best friends, Elizabeth Hannah and Catrina, where waiting for her. The four girls had planned to have a sleep over in the grave yard seeing that this was there last day of school. However, they had to get through just one more day of classes. So the four girls went there separate ways to their first period classes and when Callie arrived to her class her science teacher had a lab set up for the class to do. The experiment was to bring flies back to life! When Callie discovered what was planned for their last class she was so exited because she had always been so fascinated by science and chemistry. When the bell rang the class all but on their safety goggles and white rubber gloves and began to read the instructions. Each lab group got a jar of two flies and they had to kill the fly by using a gas known as carbon dioxide and then attempt to bring the fly back to life with salt after five minutes of the creature being dead. None of the students could get the fly to come back from the dead and a kid from the back yelled to the whole class "if mine is still dead… CAN I EAT IT!?!?!?!" Callie laughed in discussed and just as she was about to reply to her classmate she hear a buzzing. Hers was the only fly that came back to life. Then the bell rang. Since it was the last day of school, the students were only required to attend their first three classes. After the final bell rang, Callie and her friends hurries out of the school and all jumped into Hannah's car. They went to Wal Mart to pick up items for there little sleep over with the dead. They bought lots of snacks, drinks, flash lights, and a tent. When the time came, just after the sun had set under the horizon, the best friends walked t the grave yard and pitched their tent. They told ghost stories and laughed at how silly old folklore was. Then they all roamed around looking at the creepy graves and when they saw one of the doors to a mausoleum open they were terrified! Callie was brave though, she walked right in without a second thought. She was inside for what seemed like forever and when she came back out she had spider webs all caught in her hair and pretended to be a zombie. The other girls screamed and stopped as soon as they hears there friend laughing. When the clock hit 3am they all decided to go back to their tent and go to sleep. The next morning they all woke up but Callie was missing. They weren't alarmed at first because Callie was very free spirited and they figured she had walked home. When Callie's mom called Hannah later that day and asked where Callie was she had no idea what to say. The police became involved and the whole town was looking for Callie but they never found her. 70 years later Callie woke up as if she had still been in the grave yard the night of her sleepover but something wasn’t right. She heard buzzing all around her and when she opened her eye she found herself stuck in a spider web just like a fly. She wiggled her way out and had no idea were he was so she walked to her house to find that it was no longer there. She panicked and ran to Hanna's house, walked in without knocking, and was disappointed to find an 86 year old women sitting in the living room with look as if she was seeing a ghost. When the old lady invited her in and asked Callie all about what happened, she told Callie that it was her. It was Hannah and Callie had been missing for 70 years. When Callie looked into a mirror she saw that she was no longer a beautiful 16 year old with the skin of a baby. The only thing Callie could say was "nothing shocks me. I'm a scientist."
There was a knock on my door that woke me from my deep sleep. I put on my slippers and walked to my bathroom with a slight limp. I splashed some cold water on my face and as I dried my face with a towel there was another knock on my door. Although this time, the knock sounded more like a pound. I rushed to the door as fast as I could, but my legs were extremely sore due to my long work hours. As I opened my front door there was no one standing there. Only a small cardboard box. When I opened the box there was a letter that stated, "Hello Dr. Martin James, I have noticed your successful science career and I have been following your progress on your latest invention. I'm extremely impressed with the work you have been able to accomplish in your young life which is why I want to give you an offer. I know that this knew project is a large chunk of change and I'm willing to pay for this project in return for a partnership with myself. I would like to help you with your invention to make it the best it can possibly be. Thank you for your consideration, Dr. Alice Zara" After reading this, my first instinct was to head to the lab. When I walked toward the the front doors I notice a red convertible with a woman in it staring at me. We made awkward eye contact, and she got out of the car. The woman started walking towards me. As she came closer, she stretched out her hand and introduced herself in a seemingly odd and chipper mood, "Hello! I'm Alice Zara. I hope you received my letter and have considered the offer I made. Your invention is revolutionary and could change transportation as we know it. I mean, inventing the first teleportation devise is out of this world. Which is why you need me." Not knowing what to say, I asked, "So, you are willing to pay for the entire project?" "Yes, as long as we work together," she stated. As I took a moment to contemplate my decision, I thought about what would be best for my invention. I took leap of faith and agreed to the offer. The two of us worked day and night on the teleportation devise. We went through many trial and error experiments. We first tried to create a box teleportation device, but that idea was shot down the drain due to the fact that it's just not practical and too bulky. We also tried a somewhat helmet looking devise as well, but there were too many glitches with it and gave me really bad helmet hair. After months of new ideas and experiments, we finally came up with the best and glitch free teleportation devise. The devise was only about the size of an iPhone and had a 4 inch wire sticking out the top. It included features such as a GPS to punch in the destination to wherever one would like to go, there was also a touch pad, and built in Wi-Fi. Alice and I did our first test run on the first of May. We decided to start small, so we set the destination a block away. We also made sure to think about our safety which was why we tied the device to Alice's cat Sox. Both of us wore fireproof gloves, hard hats, and safety goggles just for precautions. Alice stood near the destination, and I stayed back at the lab to punch in the destination on the touch pad. I said a prayer. Then I pressed the big red button on the devise. There was a huge flash and then Sox was gone... Not even a minute later I received a call from Alice to confirm that Sox made it to the destination safe and sound. "I did it... I actually did it," I thought to myself.
When Alice made it back to the lab, we went out to eat at the Olive Garden for a celebratory meal. During the entire meal we could not stop talking about the devise. We were totally and completely ecstatic about this new invention and we realized that our lives would never be the same. After paying the bill, Alice and I went our separate ways and headed home to get some rest from the long and exuberant day. *** When I woke up the next morning, I felt like I had a knot in my stomach and my head was pounding. I checked my phone and I seemed to have received a text from Alice, "Great working with you (smiling, blushing emoji)." I had a weird feeling about this text, so I decided to head off to the lab. After getting cleaned up and having a hearty breakfast, I arrived at the lab. From the moment I stepped foot into the building I knew something wasn't quite right. It almost felt barren. I went over to the safe which kept my devise and realized there were some dents in it. I unlocked it. The devise was missing, and in its place was a letter that read, "I know you're probably confused and frightened about the devise, but I had to think of myself and what I need to succeed in life. I truly had an amazing time with you these past few months and I learned so much, but I'm sorry to inform you that I took our devise. You will not be able to contact me anymore because I'm moving, changing my name, and number. I really wish I could have spent more time with you. I wish you the best and I know you are going to go far. With love, Alice Zara." I wasn't as surprised as I thought I should be, but I guess that is the price that comes with the life I have been given. Nothing shocks me. I'm a scientist.
I love the little touches you made in your story it made the read very interesting! Maybe mix up the words a bit and use different synonyms instead of the same word multiple times it would really help bring out the emotions a bit more!
when I was reading your blog I was easily able to visualize what was happening and in what kind of setting it was occurring. you used very good detail within your story! You also completed each part of the story and didn't leave any gaps for confusion. The emotion you put into the story when you said "that is the price that comes with the life I have been given" was a great touch
As I'm sitting at my desk, I peer through the lenses of my microscope at the minuscule cells of my latest discovery: life on Mars. I had recently returned from Mars on my dream space mission to research the possibility of life in the hopeful planet. I've spent twenty five years studying every type of science out their and waiting for the day I could travel to space in the name of the science I loved. I've sat in on some of the most interesting experiments done by some of the most renowned scientists of my time, seeing many mishaps and misfortunes. When I finally got the call I was chosen for this space project, I thought everything I worked for was finally worth it.
Fifty days were spent out there with only my five other crew members as company. We were all so invested in this project and had every hope we would return home with what we came to the planet looking for. Every day we would set out from our pod and take samples from the ground. I did have an odd sensation the whole trip, that someone in the distance was watching us. Sometimes, small pieces of our equipment would go missing and we would find them outside in the most random places. I told myself I was just misplacing the equipment and went back to work I was determined not to let anything get in the way of this experience, so I shook off these feelings.
We tried to collect as much as possible to study when we returned home, but our space was limited on the return trip. Finally, the last day of the mission arrived and we headed back to our home planet. When we returned home, we were received as heroes for what our research could accomplish. We spent a week doing press work and conference meetings, all in the public's eye. I basked in the recognition I was given and loved every second of this attention. I've worked my whole life for this. The public started to loose interest after a few days, and they began to look for our next move. What are we going to do now?
There was a land area on Mars that struck my interest more than anywhere else. A large patch of land was collapsed, almost like a sinkhole you could find on Earth. I tested the atmosphere levels, took plenty of samples from this place, and studied the geography of the land. Everything was abnormal. Here, more than anywhere els, I felt like I was being watched. Every move I made felt calculated. This only made me more interested. There was something special about this place. I began studying the soil patches from this area when I returned home. Everyone else on my crew did their own studies together, but I felt I had to do this alone. There had to be something hidden in here. I started molecularly studying the patches of soil from this area for signs of anything peculiar. I found signs of some abnormal form in the midst of the dirt. I had to test this more. I decided to make some cultures to test for a reaction on the dirt containing the discovery with substances only found on earth. I put a few in test tubes and let them sit.
The sound of breaking glass behind me breaks my concentration. I grumble to myself and yell over my shoulder at, what I assumed was, my clumsy assistant dropping yet another test tube. "Just clean up the mess and get another one from the cabinet, quickly," I say while turning back to my work, not suspecting a thing. "Boss, you might want to come look at this," says my assistant. I turn around to find my cultures have exploded and a bright blue, foamy substance is growing uncontrollably. The blue mass continues to get bigger and bigger. "Sir, what do we do? Shouldn't you be scared or shocked this happened?" says my assistant shaking with wide eyes. "Honestly kid, nothing shocks me. I'm a scientist," I reply.
I was assigned a new master to care after. My travel to his home started from Paris, and we were to go North East to the skirts in Loan. The journey was rather scrape, on the old Roman roads. As the journey progressed, the once bright and sunny French sky we had began with turned into dark gray clouds in the night, betokening a storm of magnitudes not even the wiseacres could have foreseen. The phaeton, a horse-drawn carriage, was not designed to withstand such sheer unpredicted forces. The storm finally came, in the form of lighting, fog, and heavy rain, hampering our travel. In the flickering of the lamp light, I could see the driver trying to retain his gall as the wrath of the weather grew. "This bloody weather...peevish as it may be, we are not going to stand idle," he gritted.
Unpleasant thoughts of what was to come started to plash in my brain.
"Sir," I responded, "this weather seems pretty unusual. It's as if the devil himself curses this journey we endure."
For aught I know, he did. The coachman retorted, "Unusual yes, the devil being the cause? Maybe. Some people say it's the devil, others say it's just an earthly trait around these parts. Most agree with the latter. Be what it would, its evil nature is a tight scratch on living in Loan."
The weather subsided as fast as it came. To make up for lost time, the driver carried on at an exceedingly warm pace. The storm, discommoding us, gave a topic for palaver, a long meaningless discussion. Eventually we were in close neighborhood of my master's house. I disembarked from the carriage, also not forgetting to give the coachman a tip for his courteous behavior, for one does not make much of a living on fares alone.
I walked down the path to my master's home, taking in the astonishingly beautiful nature as I went. When I approached my master's house, I noticed at length how grandiose the house was. Its architecture was that of the new style Second Empire. The iconic mansard was adored with a gold trim. The pastel red brick walls were cornered with white marble. Weirdly, there was also a metal dome-shaped piece on the roof of the building, albeit no one asked questions of such a thing because of the solitude location of the house.
I approached the door and was greeted by a fellow butler. After we exchanged greetings, the butler said "Master Phillip is right this way," and he showed me to a dim lit room filled with contraptions I had never seen before.
My master, a sophisticated looking gentleman in his 40s, was tinkering with one of the contraptions, using the light of the fireplace, when I went to meet him.
"I am doing well, monsieur," I replied, "I was caught up in the unfortunate weather, but all is good."
"I am sorry about your travels," he said sympathetically.
"'Tis alright sir, the earth is full wonders, this is just one of them. Man cannot control the wild creature that is Mother Nature."
"If I told you that man can control her," he questioned, "would you believe me?"
I replied "Whatever do you mean?"
He harrowed up, "I have created such a device to control her."
He showed me a contraption connected to the metal disk on the roof by a thin rubber tube.
He said "You would be in the right mind to be skeptical, but let me show you it works so that you believe me.
He flicked on a switch. Lights of different colors appeared on a nearby machine to my amazement. Then a burst of smoke erupted, causing my master distress.
"What seems to be wrong monsieur?" I exclaimed.
"The machine has broken and is on the verge of exploding." he said calmly.
"My goodness sir! How are you not shocked about such an idea!" I shouted over the machines which were now loudly beeping.
"Nothing shocks me. I'm a scientist." he shouted back, laughing maniacally.
"That's madness!" I said running out of the house.
The machine blew up the house. I now knew, that the devil indeed was the cause of that weather.
It takes a special kind of person to write like this and you would be the one to do it. 😂😂 the dialogue was really great between each character and the story became nicely developed. There really isn't anything to criticize about the mechanical side. But the ending seemed really abrupt and I was left looking for much more. This was a great beginning and middle, so the ending was lackluster.
22:35 It's late. I'm sitting at my laptop, anxious as I could possibly be. I sat there, pondering if I would be accepted. I had recently applied to be a part of a research team exploring he possibilities of extra-terrestrial life. I had made a handful of advancements in this field of study, which led to me requesting to work on site at Area 51. My peers and family have always criticized me, constantly telling me that I'll never find anything and I'm attempting to live in a fantasy. I grew up as an avid fan of the Star Wars and Predator films, which revolutionized my interest in extraterrestrial life. As I grew older, I focused more on the legitimate science in this field of research. Unfortunately, my family continues to judge me for my obsession. After endless harassment, I decided to move away. That's how I've gotten to where I am. I continue to sit in front of my laptop, waiting for a response the same way a presidential candidate awaits the result of the election. I anxiously await the end result of my excursion. I couldn't imagine missing out on this opportunity.
22:43 The power is out. So much for waiting for my response. I should check the fuse box. I throw on my Cookie Monster pajamas and a tshirt to scope out the scene. This ain't exactly the ideal way I wanted to spend my night.
22:47 Just came back inside. Something's outside in my shed. Given my profession, you could probably assume what I believe it is. You're probably thinking "this idiot thinks E.T. landed in his shed." Well, the way I see it, nothing should surprise me. I'm a scientist. I don't rule out anything in an observation. Whatever it is, I'm going to confront it.
23:59 My god, I was right. There was an unidentifiable creature in my shed. I felt prepared for the situation prior to my encounter. However, the shock hit me like a sack of bricks. It notices me. We lock eyes. I stand there, petrified. Do I speak? Do I run towards it and try to capture it? Is it here to kill me? Why me? The questions rush through my head faster than Usain Bolt during the 100M dash at the Olympics. It feels so unreal. I can't fathom it. And suddenly, as if it was scripted, it bolts past me. It's larger than I expected. I couldn't get a good look, but it was almost like a surreal cryptid from an urban legend. I look down, only to see scratches and abrasions all over my arms and legs. I'm not sure what to think of this scenario. No matter what happens with my paranormal career, this one experience I need to look into. For those who deny what it is, I'd like to close with a quote by astrophysicist Dr. Neil DeGrasse Tyson. "Extraterrestrial life doesn't exist? That's like taking a small glass of ocean water and saying there are no whales."
Nick, I really enjoy your blog! I love the details like "Cookie Monster pajamas" and how the narrator was a fan of Star Wars. Those were the special touches that I really enjoyed. Also the time made the blog organized and gave it a more of an intelligent feeling because it was in military time. Although, when the blog ended I was seeking more. I wish there was more to the story.
It was another winter day in Pennsylvania, but this day was different than every other winter day. It was actually nice out and sunny. Drew and his dad just bought a drone. They wanted to spend the outside trying to figure out how to work the new drone. For all of you that done know what I drone is. It is a aircraft that you fly with a remote and you can take pictures with it. Neither drew or him dad knew how to work it, so they were going to spend he whole day together looking up information just spending the day together doing father son bonding stuff. Meanwhile Drews sister, Mackenzie, and her mom wanted to spend the day doing mother daughter bonding stuff, so they went out shopping and got manicures and pedicures, and pretty much took the day doing whatever they wanted to do. When Drew and his dad went outside to fly the drone it kept on getting stuck in the tree and they couldn't figure out what they were doing wrong, they decided that they were going to call the company and figure out what was going on with their new toy that they just spent all this money on. Of course the company didn't answer, so they just said they were going to have to figure out how to do it themselves. Mackenzie and her mom came home after being out all day and they come outside to find drew and his father still trying to get the new drone that they bought to work. They both seemed frustrated with what they were trying to do, and they were beginning to become very frustrated with both each other and the drone. Finally the phone rings and it's the company. Drews dad answers the phone and he is fuming with anger. He doesn't know why his drone keeps flying in the tree, the directions aren't helping, and the company won't answer the phone. Mackenzie and her mom don't even know what to do at this point because they just got their nails done, also they don't want to have anything to do with touching this drone cause that could lead to a smudged nail and they don't want that to happen. Meanwhile Drews dad is on the phone and he's yelling back and forth with the company, but he finds out that the drone that they got had a defect in it and they had to send him a new one. So it took a week for the new drone to come in the mail, when the drone finally came, drew and his dad got it all put together and it flew just like a charm, like nothing was even wrong with it. Comparing this drone to the last drone, it was like it was two totally different devices. Drews dad called the company back to thank them for sending them a new drone and to apologize for yelling at them on the phone. Drews dad said he just couldn't believe that the drone that they got first had a defect in it. The man on the phone replied back "nothing shocks me i'm a scientist". When he found out that the an he was talking to on the phone was a scientist he was in schlock and felt like a total fool for yelling at him to begin with. Everything is all good now Drew and him dad fly the drone all of the time together.
One day, in the small village of Kersey, a big tractor trailer collided with another, much smaller, tractor trailer. Everyone from the houses came running out to see what has happened, finding a huge mess all over the road. One truck was full of dangerous chemicals while the other was full of iron and nickel. Everyone's first thoughts were of what the odds had to be that those two trucks with those specific items collided. The two drivers of the trucks got away safely, but now there's chemicals and metal all over the road. One man explained, "Well iron and nickel are the two basic metals of a magnet, could the two trucks have been pulled together by extreme force?" Others were confused and didn't really think that it could be the case, especially after another man stated that it couldn't have because the metal needed to be in a certain pattern to get a large magnetic force as such. They all argued and brought their ideas to the table until the police showed up. Everyone thought that they would have the answer, but apparently not. They interviewed everyone, one guy spoke his idea, the other guy said his, and the one openly says "nothing surprises me, I'm a scientist." Saying this made the police take the man over to the scene to figure it out and then it happened! BOOM! BANG! CLAP! SLAM! Everyone was jumping out of their shoes. The entire scene was on fire and swinging through the air like a tornado. A great big tornado made of metal and green and purple flames. It rose to the sky, taking the trucks with it, and then it exploded above the people's heads. The scientist wakes up from this weird dream, thinking to himself that this could never happen, and if it did, "nothing surprises me, I'm a scientist
Oh my gosh this was very interesting!! I'm not one to read articles about science mishaps and distraction, but I would definitely read this. I disagree with morgan on how she said you could have made this empire exciting. I thought it was plenty exciting. And maybe the reason she thought so was because of the length of the blog. Naturally, if something is longer, the more tendency it has to explain and therefore, be more exciting. But I do agree with a more interesting topic sentence. You could have used Pathos to really make a banging blog. But overall, I think you did well.
It was a warm, sunny day that Saturday two scientists, Ed and Michael, were having a private meeting on what they wanted to do for their next experiment. They went back and forth with different ideas, bouncing them off of each other. It took the highly skilled scientists about two hours to come to a complete agreement on what they wanted to do. They decided they were going to experiment with cloning. Just days later they met in the lab and discussed their strategy and what they wanted to do, but they bumped heads on one thing, what they were going to clone. Ed wanted to do a small animal first to test if they could do it, but Michael wanted to challenge what they could do and do a bigger animal. Ed suggested a squirrel and Michael suggested a cow. They decided to get the cells they needed from both a squirrel and a cow and then come to an agreement. Ed finally got Michael to say he agreed to doing the squirrel. They started the experiment but the day they started, Michael stayed after hours, and he started the experiment over and used the cow cell. Of course, he never told Ed, so the entire experiment, Ed thought they were cloning a squirrel, but after awhile, when their cloning was completed, and before Ed's eyes was a baby cow instead of a baby squirrel, all he could say was "nothing shocks me, I'm a scientist."
Brandi, this blog has great potential, but there just wasn't enough. I really enjoyed what you had written, I just wish you would have expanded on your ideas.
Brandi, this blog seems that it was written in a bit of a hurry. I agree with Marcy, it does have great ideas, but it just needs a little more! I think for next time you should work on bringing your ideas deeper and clever!
I'm uncomfortable with this blog because it's not something I'm used to. I'm not very creative. My story begins sitting in class during 3rd period, I'm staring at the clock to for 10:05 to appear and the bell to ring. The class challenges me unlike other, it makes me think. It makes me worry. I feel afraid of falling short in my writing. As I continue this daily routine, we receive a prompt to write a paper about a bioethical issue. "What?" I think, "I don't even know what bioethics is." As the weeks went on, I did my research and picked my topic. This was going to be a lot harder than I originally thought. Finally, the due date came and I turned in my 8.6 page paper. I was relieved to get it out of my head, but I didn't. I just kept thinking about it, until we finally got it them back. All my research paid off, something I had never done before, when I received a nine. Noticing that I was shocked with how well I had done, Mrs. Messineo decided to give me some reassurance and a hug, of course. She said, "Nothing shocks me, I'm a scientist. You all think I'm just you're teacher, but I study you and know how capable of amazing writing you are."
I'm sure you were pressed with time writing this, and although it is very unique, I feel you could have extended more into your ideas. Sometimes it's better turning in something late and making sure it is the best you can do rather than turning something in on time and not having it done or being completed to the best ability. Your story is unique, but does not make complete sense in terms of flow. You are a good writer, make use of your ideas.
Part 1) I saw this as an opportunity. For this past week, I attended the worldwide seminar in Munich, Germany, and witnessed the Science U conventions. And since then, I felt more confident than ever knowing that I am fully capable of carrying out such experiments. It was my last night in Munich so I decided to treat myself and visit all of the famous city venues, popular cites, and especially the beautiful Dom Cathedral. I decided to enter the church before I began my night to thank the Lord for giving me such a wonderful experience and opportunity as this one; thanking him for granting me such a blessing to attend the Science U convention and having the luck that I had. One may not believe in luck, but I sure do. I attended Science U with my college roommate, Lucas Roe, and found out that he had connections with one of the board members of Science U. With that, we were introduced to none other than Robert Aquipo himself, the founder of "The Fractured Car," Science U's spotlight invention of today's age. "Mr. Aquipo, I would like to introduce you to Keith Roth and Lucas Young," said the man who knew Lucas, "they would like to speak with you." Lucas's connections led to us finding ourselves in the Science U board room, sitting across from Mr. Aquipo and his intellectual presence. Mr. Aquipo was a fancy businessman along with a science inventor, and his deeming eyes made me feel quite pressured until I unconsciously blurted out, "I like the suit you are wearing, is it a Davis?" ...Once I uttered that unprofessional, awkward question, I could feel Lucas's shocked persona starring at me. My inability to take advantage of the situation made everyone in the room very uneasy and as to why this time is not being used wisely, myself included. After Mr. Aquipo uttered some unpleasant statement under his breath, I gathered myself and began the conversation once again with his invention of "The Fractured Car." Since I began with his invention, his essence changed in a split of a second. The tabloids had run stories about his airhead personality and his bold statements in which I began to think that they were not wrong. In that conversation, I said, "I followed your life long process of creating the FC (Fractured Car) for as long as I can remember; I am such a huge fan and aspire to be just like you. (If that didn't make his head big, I didn't know what would.) He was humbled by my statement and began to ask how Lucas and I how we heard of Science U and why we desired to be here. This is when I swallowed my fear and took that chance. "Lucas is here as a good friend and a travel companion, however, I am here trying to find my way in life." "On what terms do you speak of?" Asked Mr. Aquipo. I ignored my nervousness and fear and said, "Well, I am a Science Intellect and Entrepreneurship major at the University of Pennsylvania. I heard about the Science U convention through my professor who believes in my ideas and pushed me to come here this week." "Well he's a very smart man." I never thought these words would come out of his mouth, but those words I was dying to hear came through his deep, raspy voice saying, "If you don't mind me asking, what ideas have you constructed?" My excitement was hard to contain but I looked at Lucas in which he had that look in his eyes he gets when we work on big semester projects when he knows, we only have one shot, one shot to make this happen. So then, I calmed myself down like every other time before we enter our professors classroom.
Part 2) With the elapsed time that passed, Mr. Aquipo was patiently waiting for a response but was enjoying my utter joy and muteness. I finally said, "Well, I've been working on this since I was a college sophomore and I am currently in first year of graduate school. Through many times of trial and error, I have found myself getting closer to my inventions answers. I am in the process of inventing the HomeBot 530. It is a computerized security entrance system that was inspired by my parents break-in when an intruder found a loophole in their home security system. My system allows home owners to use the computerized camera monitor to evaluate the person on the outside and if suspicious, sounds alarms, strobe lights, and has the option of an instant police station call. I have constructed many statistical studies on the regularity of failed home security systems in which led to my idea of the HomeBot 530. As it sounds now, it appears to be more of a technology invention, but I would like to bring more science into this possible life saving invention. Through my long explanation, Mr. Aquipo kept his interest while saying, "Wow, I am impressed that a college graduate student such as yourself has the intellect to bring about a such invention. Now I'm sure you boys were hoping to get something out of this once in a lifetime opportunity you were given this week am I right?" In confirmation I said, "Why yes actually. I felt my luck run short since today was the last night of the convention and I was still unsure how I would carry out this scientific invention. But now since Lucas and I are here sitting with none other than Mr. Aquipo himself, and our hopes may be far fetched, we were hoping you would have an interest in this invention and believe in mine and Lucas's capabilities of establishing Science U's next "spotlight invention of today's age." While chuckling, Mr. Aquipo began saying, "I appreciate your confidence and your bull headed accusations for I was just like you in my young inventor years, but it takes more than a successful business man and scientific inventor to believe and invest in your item. In absolute let down, I confirmed my stability and capability to him by saying, "Nothing shocks me, I'm a scientist (in the making) and am willing to take any risk involved with this. Mr. Aquipo then flashed his famous sly grin expression I always saw in the tabloids and said, "That's just what I wanted to hear. You passed my test, son. I could tell you were extremely nervous entering into this board room conversation when you asked about my suit, but you recognized the importance of our meeting and pulled yourself together in an instance. I will send my lawyers over to your hotel room tomorrow afternoon to review your proposal and case statistics along with requirements. And by the way, it is a Davis."
Part 3) I never would have expected my night to plan out this way. In jubilation, I said, "Yeah, I apologize for how our conversation started, but know I take this very professionally and seriously. I want to thank you for agreeing to sit down with us and listening to my invention. I know your a busy man, and on a side note, don't believe what the tabloids say." In my awkward laugh, I said, "You are a very intellectual and kind man. When I, I mean we, become famous with my invention, I'll be sure to tell them who the real you is!"
I looked at the board room clock and I could not believe the time, we have been in this room for 2 hours. It was now 11:00 pm and I gave Lucas the look that it's time for us to head out, but Mr. Aquipo beat me to the punch and said, "It was an absolute pleasure meeting two young, intellectual men as yourselves and I will be looking forward to meeting with you in the future." Lucas and I expressed our gratitude towards the famous Mr. Aquipo and left the convention center jumping up and down and singing at the top of our lungs, "I've got the power!!"
For that night was the second last night for Lucas and I in Munich, Germany, and is where Lucas and I's life would never be the same. So I found it appropriate to visit the Lord on my last night in Germany and thank him for allowing a safe and blessed experience in my life. It's been said that the Lord never sleeps, and this week I acknowledged the truth to that statement. He came half way across the world with me and spent day in and day out on the opportunity that I was given. So I sat in the first pew in front of the beautiful Dom Cathedral altar and just took in the amazing life I was given. "I can do all things in the Lord who strengthen me."
![#702
“Nothing shocks me. I’m a scientist.”
[This one is from a set of 300 Common Core aligned writing prompts that I put together.]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_s4QNV26r2PKDihxWSWmq2yQGcPPLq9TBW33b6oY1DZWetPhjtvLP_KiY7gbYLcxXPB0J2gHhIedzduGtT17dzh4WunxP_TfFzg1drDT93FcpQPY6qXi1mCw8H1jDJYR8maKFUQoGxvh72OFnZkBj3w7VEjebRgBP6blm1XElRbUXo=s0-d)
It was just another summer day in June when the Blake family decided that they would spend the day at the beach. The family of five included three children in which involved two boys and one girl. The two boys, Bennie Blake and Barney Blake, were tough older brothers the age of sixteen who often ate only oatmeal and chicken. Bailey Blake was just a tiny little girl who was approaching her fifth birthday. Bailey loved her older brothers, but . always struggled to keep up with their miscellaneous actions. She also had a great love for her puppy, a small male poodle that took the name of Poncho. Poncho loved the outdoors. He especially loved going to the beach with the Blakes because he knew he would always get to play his favorite game of fetch.
ReplyDeleteThe Blakes finally arrived at the Blueberry sand beach after about an hour and a half drive west. The twins broke out of the van just in time as they nearly made an accident after competing in a water drinking competition in the backseat. Bailey and Poncho also escaped the car and ran toward the beautiful clear water to play their daily game of fetch. Bailey launched the floatable ball into the waves for Poncho to retrieve, but just when Poncho began to sprint after it a UFO appeared and abducted him away! Soon all the dogs on the beach were disappearing into the alien spacecraft! Bailey shrieked in horror as she searched for her twin brothers, but they were out of sight. Then out of no where came a mini van flying into the ski with rockets for wheels. The mini van collided with the spacecraft and set all the puppies free to fall down into the ocean water. It was raining dogs and soon they all were swimming back to shore to find their owners. Bailey was crying of happiness once she was reunited with her best pal Poncho. She looked up to then see two figures parachuting backdown to safety from the crash. She blinked her eyes twice and then came to realize that it was Mama and Papa Blake. They were the ones that saved the dogs! Bailey thanked her parents greatly and questioned them on their abilities to stop such creatures. She was considered about their thoughts on such a surprising event, but Papa Blake said barely anything except for "nothing shocks me i'm a scientist".
make sure to read your blog over after writing it! there are a few mistypes at the beginning. I wasn't expecting that type of ending at all haha. you used very strong vocabulary within your story with made it a much better read! good job!
DeleteI love how you used pronouns to identify the characters and not give them names, it made the story somewhat detached but it was still a good read!
DeleteI liked your story! I thought it was funny that you named the beach "blueberry sand beach". That made me lol
DeleteYour story was very creative with lots of discriptions of the characters. But I feel that some discriptions may have been better left out such as when it says that the brothers often ate only oatmeal and chicken. The story was very entertaining, and it would make a good cartoon.
DeleteA cold dreary day awaited Max as he awoke from his tired sleep. He leaned over to check the time, the clock read 5:30 am and he sighed heavily not wanting to get up. Eventually he had worked up enough energy to do so and did his morning routine; shower, breakfast, and go. As Max drove to work he felt that something was not right, that something bad had happened and he worried of his ongoing experiment. He had always wondered if the other workers would've been able to handle "it" or if they had the skills to properly watch the experiment. As he pulled up to his work place he was suddenly aware of the rains noise on his car roof and the way the trees swayed with the overwhelming wind. The door to his laboratory was open and torn off its hinges, he panicked. Sweat had started to form on his forehead, his heart could no longer be contained as it beat so alarmingly fast, and he couldn't move. Max sat in his parked car as the trees swayed and the rain fell, time was moving in slow motion for him. Finally he had to know what had happened and if everyone was okay inside. He shut off his car, opened the door and ran to the front steps of the now wrecked building. There were no lights inside just one flickering at the end of the hall, he took out his phone and used the flashlight. The area in front of him lit up and he felt sick to his stomach. Before him lay the body of an intern who was working there for the summer, Max had not known her personally and she couldn't have been more than twenty-three years of age. Her body lay at his feet, cold eyes staring up into the ceiling, the cause of death is clear as he examines the body closer, her neck was broken as well as bruising on the ribs as if she was sat upon by the person and suffocated as well as her neck being broken. Max stopped and told himself he needed to find "it" before anyone else is killed. He walked around the lifeless body slowly and continued his way down the hallway. When he entered the door at the end of the corridor that led to his own personal lab, he felt the cold breeze that was being let in by the open door, the smell of formaldehyde was strong and made Max stop to catch his breath. The table in the middle of the room had straps and belts to contain something or rather a person. Max knew exactly what was supposed to be in those belts and on the table. Medical tools lay scattered around the ground, dried blood splatters were on the floor everywhere but those were not the workers blood. The blood belonged to "it" this thing endured rigorous experimentation and tests of which there was no end. As Max walked up to the table a surge of anger flowed through him that shocked his entire body. He shook with rage towards this idiotic thing that was only good for his experiments and how it could get away. Suddenly he heard a clatter behind him, he quickly turned around and was met face to face with the subject of his evil doings. She had brown hair that was cut short, her face had been sunken in, her eyes held no life whatsoever, and her body was thin and covered in scars of all degrees. There was a wedding ring on her finger, the same one that matched Max's. He knows this because he bought them for their wedding. This "it" was his wife. Max's wife stood silently as he stared asking millions of questions as to why she returned but one thought made him laugh. This laugh was laced with evil intentions as he stared at her, she looked startled. His face suddenly contort and tweeted with hate he walked towards her and grabbed a syringe. She tried to fight him but was no match as he plunged the needle into her body silencing her. He picked her up and turned around, the smile that adorned his face contained pure malice and insanity. He said that line that made him laugh not even a few minutes ago, "you should know that nothing shocks me anymore sweetie, I am a scientist."
ReplyDeleteHonestly, your ending was a great plot twist! 😂😂😂 I can picture this as a basis for a great scary movie. Just to make this a little easier to read, I would break up the one huge paragraph into smaller ones. One huge paragraph sometimes looses the attention of the reader. Maybe adding some more dialogue between him and the 'it' would have been even better. 😂
DeleteI agree with Bobbi. You also had a well established setting at the beginning. I like when I can picture your story in my head and make a "mental movie" out of your story. Very well written.
DeleteI also liked the ending! It was very funny! I agree with Bobbi also that if you broke up the story into paragraphs it would of been easier to read. But other than that I did enjoy the story!
DeleteIt was another warm Friday morning and Callie woke up and began to get ready for school. She had long blonde hair with eyes as blue as the ocean. Callie didn’t have a mean bone in her body. She had woken up late so she had to skip breakfast and run to catch the faded yellow bus with a driver behind the wheel that didn’t wait for anyone. Callie had just made the bus and when she arrived at the school her three best friends, Elizabeth Hannah and Catrina, where waiting for her. The four girls had planned to have a sleep over in the grave yard seeing that this was there last day of school. However, they had to get through just one more day of classes. So the four girls went there separate ways to their first period classes and when Callie arrived to her class her science teacher had a lab set up for the class to do. The experiment was to bring flies back to life! When Callie discovered what was planned for their last class she was so exited because she had always been so fascinated by science and chemistry. When the bell rang the class all but on their safety goggles and white rubber gloves and began to read the instructions. Each lab group got a jar of two flies and they had to kill the fly by using a gas known as carbon dioxide and then attempt to bring the fly back to life with salt after five minutes of the creature being dead. None of the students could get the fly to come back from the dead and a kid from the back yelled to the whole class "if mine is still dead… CAN I EAT IT!?!?!?!" Callie laughed in discussed and just as she was about to reply to her classmate she hear a buzzing. Hers was the only fly that came back to life. Then the bell rang. Since it was the last day of school, the students were only required to attend their first three classes. After the final bell rang, Callie and her friends hurries out of the school and all jumped into Hannah's car. They went to Wal Mart to pick up items for there little sleep over with the dead. They bought lots of snacks, drinks, flash lights, and a tent. When the time came, just after the sun had set under the horizon, the best friends walked t the grave yard and pitched their tent. They told ghost stories and laughed at how silly old folklore was. Then they all roamed around looking at the creepy graves and when they saw one of the doors to a mausoleum open they were terrified! Callie was brave though, she walked right in without a second thought. She was inside for what seemed like forever and when she came back out she had spider webs all caught in her hair and pretended to be a zombie. The other girls screamed and stopped as soon as they hears there friend laughing. When the clock hit 3am they all decided to go back to their tent and go to sleep. The next morning they all woke up but Callie was missing. They weren't alarmed at first because Callie was very free spirited and they figured she had walked home. When Callie's mom called Hannah later that day and asked where Callie was she had no idea what to say. The police became involved and the whole town was looking for Callie but they never found her. 70 years later Callie woke up as if she had still been in the grave yard the night of her sleepover but something wasn’t right. She heard buzzing all around her and when she opened her eye she found herself stuck in a spider web just like a fly. She wiggled her way out and had no idea were he was so she walked to her house to find that it was no longer there. She panicked and ran to Hanna's house, walked in without knocking, and was disappointed to find an 86 year old women sitting in the living room with look as if she was seeing a ghost. When the old lady invited her in and asked Callie all about what happened, she told Callie that it was her. It was Hannah and Callie had been missing for 70 years. When Callie looked into a mirror she saw that she was no longer a beautiful 16 year old with the skin of a baby. The only thing Callie could say was "nothing shocks me. I'm a scientist."
ReplyDeleteThere was a knock on my door that woke me from my deep sleep. I put on my slippers and walked to my bathroom with a slight limp. I splashed some cold water on my face and as I dried my face with a towel there was another knock on my door. Although this time, the knock sounded more like a pound. I rushed to the door as fast as I could, but my legs were extremely sore due to my long work hours. As I opened my front door there was no one standing there. Only a small cardboard box. When I opened the box there was a letter that stated,
ReplyDelete"Hello Dr. Martin James,
I have noticed your successful science career and I have been following your progress on your latest invention. I'm extremely impressed with the work you have been able to accomplish in your young life which is why I want to give you an offer. I know that this knew project is a large chunk of change and I'm willing to pay for this project in return for a partnership with myself. I would like to help you with your invention to make it the best it can possibly be.
Thank you for your consideration,
Dr. Alice Zara"
After reading this, my first instinct was to head to the lab. When I walked toward the the front doors I notice a red convertible with a woman in it staring at me. We made awkward eye contact, and she got out of the car. The woman started walking towards me. As she came closer, she stretched out her hand and introduced herself in a seemingly odd and chipper mood,
"Hello! I'm Alice Zara. I hope you received my letter and have considered the offer I made. Your invention is revolutionary and could change transportation as we know it. I mean, inventing the first teleportation devise is out of this world. Which is why you need me."
Not knowing what to say, I asked,
"So, you are willing to pay for the entire project?"
"Yes, as long as we work together," she stated.
As I took a moment to contemplate my decision, I thought about what would be best for my invention. I took leap of faith and agreed to the offer.
The two of us worked day and night on the teleportation devise. We went through many trial and error experiments. We first tried to create a box teleportation device, but that idea was shot down the drain due to the fact that it's just not practical and too bulky. We also tried a somewhat helmet looking devise as well, but there were too many glitches with it and gave me really bad helmet hair. After months of new ideas and experiments, we finally came up with the best and glitch free teleportation devise. The devise was only about the size of an iPhone and had a 4 inch wire sticking out the top. It included features such as a GPS to punch in the destination to wherever one would like to go, there was also a touch pad, and built in Wi-Fi.
Alice and I did our first test run on the first of May. We decided to start small, so we set the destination a block away. We also made sure to think about our safety which was why we tied the device to Alice's cat Sox. Both of us wore fireproof gloves, hard hats, and safety goggles just for precautions. Alice stood near the destination, and I stayed back at the lab to punch in the destination on the touch pad. I said a prayer. Then I pressed the big red button on the devise.
There was a huge flash and then Sox was gone...
Not even a minute later I received a call from Alice to confirm that Sox made it to the destination safe and sound.
"I did it... I actually did it," I thought to myself.
When Alice made it back to the lab, we went out to eat at the Olive Garden for a celebratory meal. During the entire meal we could not stop talking about the devise. We were totally and completely ecstatic about this new invention and we realized that our lives would never be the same.
ReplyDeleteAfter paying the bill, Alice and I went our separate ways and headed home to get some rest from the long and exuberant day.
***
When I woke up the next morning, I felt like I had a knot in my stomach and my head was pounding. I checked my phone and I seemed to have received a text from Alice,
"Great working with you (smiling, blushing emoji)."
I had a weird feeling about this text, so I decided to head off to the lab. After getting cleaned up and having a hearty breakfast, I arrived at the lab. From the moment I stepped foot into the building I knew something wasn't quite right. It almost felt barren. I went over to the safe which kept my devise and realized there were some dents in it. I unlocked it. The devise was missing, and in its place was a letter that read,
"I know you're probably confused and frightened about the devise, but I had to think of myself and what I need to succeed in life. I truly had an amazing time with you these past few months and I learned so much, but I'm sorry to inform you that I took our devise. You will not be able to contact me anymore because I'm moving, changing my name, and number. I really wish I could have spent more time with you. I wish you the best and I know you are going to go far.
With love,
Alice Zara."
I wasn't as surprised as I thought I should be, but I guess that is the price that comes with the life I have been given. Nothing shocks me. I'm a scientist.
I love the little touches you made in your story it made the read very interesting! Maybe mix up the words a bit and use different synonyms instead of the same word multiple times it would really help bring out the emotions a bit more!
Deletewhen I was reading your blog I was easily able to visualize what was happening and in what kind of setting it was occurring. you used very good detail within your story! You also completed each part of the story and didn't leave any gaps for confusion. The emotion you put into the story when you said "that is the price that comes with the life I have been given" was a great touch
ReplyDeleteAs I'm sitting at my desk, I peer through the lenses of my microscope at the minuscule cells of my latest discovery: life on Mars. I had recently returned from Mars on my dream space mission to research the possibility of life in the hopeful planet. I've spent twenty five years studying every type of science out their and waiting for the day I could travel to space in the name of the science I loved. I've sat in on some of the most interesting experiments done by some of the most renowned scientists of my time, seeing many mishaps and misfortunes. When I finally got the call I was chosen for this space project, I thought everything I worked for was finally worth it.
ReplyDeleteFifty days were spent out there with only my five other crew members as company. We were all so invested in this project and had every hope we would return home with what we came to the planet looking for. Every day we would set out from our pod and take samples from the ground. I did have an odd sensation the whole trip, that someone in the distance was watching us. Sometimes, small pieces of our equipment would go missing and we would find them outside in the most random places. I told myself I was just misplacing the equipment and went back to work I was determined not to let anything get in the way of this experience, so I shook off these feelings.
We tried to collect as much as possible to study when we returned home, but our space was limited on the return trip. Finally, the last day of the mission arrived and we headed back to our home planet. When we returned home, we were received as heroes for what our research could accomplish. We spent a week doing press work and conference meetings, all in the public's eye. I basked in the recognition I was given and loved every second of this attention. I've worked my whole life for this. The public started to loose interest after a few days, and they began to look for our next move. What are we going to do now?
There was a land area on Mars that struck my interest more than anywhere else. A large patch of land was collapsed, almost like a sinkhole you could find on Earth. I tested the atmosphere levels, took plenty of samples from this place, and studied the geography of the land. Everything was abnormal. Here, more than anywhere els, I felt like I was being watched. Every move I made felt calculated. This only made me more interested. There was something special about this place. I began studying the soil patches from this area when I returned home. Everyone else on my crew did their own studies together, but I felt I had to do this alone. There had to be something hidden in here. I started molecularly studying the patches of soil from this area for signs of anything peculiar. I found signs of some abnormal form in the midst of the dirt. I had to test this more. I decided to make some cultures to test for a reaction on the dirt containing the discovery with substances only found on earth. I put a few in test tubes and let them sit.
The sound of breaking glass behind me breaks my concentration. I grumble to myself and yell over my shoulder at, what I assumed was, my clumsy assistant dropping yet another test tube. "Just clean up the mess and get another one from the cabinet, quickly," I say while turning back to my work, not suspecting a thing. "Boss, you might want to come look at this," says my assistant. I turn around to find my cultures have exploded and a bright blue, foamy substance is growing uncontrollably. The blue mass continues to get bigger and bigger. "Sir, what do we do? Shouldn't you be scared or shocked this happened?" says my assistant shaking with wide eyes. "Honestly kid, nothing shocks me. I'm a scientist," I reply.
Great opening! You built the plot very well, but at sometimes I was wishing for more!
DeletePart I
ReplyDeleteI was assigned a new master to care after. My travel to his home started from Paris, and we were to go North East to the skirts in Loan. The journey was rather scrape, on the old Roman roads. As the journey progressed, the once bright and sunny French sky we had began with turned into dark gray clouds in the night, betokening a storm of magnitudes not even the wiseacres could have foreseen. The phaeton, a horse-drawn carriage, was not designed to withstand such sheer unpredicted forces. The storm finally came, in the form of lighting, fog, and heavy rain, hampering our travel. In the flickering of the lamp light, I could see the driver trying to retain his gall as the wrath of the weather grew.
"This bloody weather...peevish as it may be, we are not going to stand idle," he gritted.
Unpleasant thoughts of what was to come started to plash in my brain.
"Sir," I responded, "this weather seems pretty unusual. It's as if the devil himself curses this journey we endure."
For aught I know, he did. The coachman retorted, "Unusual yes, the devil being the cause? Maybe. Some people say it's the devil, others say it's just an earthly trait around these parts. Most agree with the latter. Be what it would, its evil nature is a tight scratch on living in Loan."
The weather subsided as fast as it came. To make up for lost time, the driver carried on at an exceedingly warm pace. The storm, discommoding us, gave a topic for palaver, a long meaningless discussion. Eventually we were in close neighborhood of my master's house. I disembarked from the carriage, also not forgetting to give the coachman a tip for his courteous behavior, for one does not make much of a living on fares alone.
I walked down the path to my master's home, taking in the astonishingly beautiful nature as I went. When I approached my master's house, I noticed at length how grandiose the house was. Its architecture was that of the new style Second Empire. The iconic mansard was adored with a gold trim. The pastel red brick walls were cornered with white marble. Weirdly, there was also a metal dome-shaped piece on the roof of the building, albeit no one asked questions of such a thing because of the solitude location of the house.
I approached the door and was greeted by a fellow butler. After we exchanged greetings, the butler said "Master Phillip is right this way," and he showed me to a dim lit room filled with contraptions I had never seen before.
My master, a sophisticated looking gentleman in his 40s, was tinkering with one of the contraptions, using the light of the fireplace, when I went to meet him.
Part II
ReplyDelete"Good evening, how do you do?" He said.
"I am doing well, monsieur," I replied, "I was caught up in the unfortunate weather, but all is good."
"I am sorry about your travels," he said sympathetically.
"'Tis alright sir, the earth is full wonders, this is just one of them. Man cannot control the wild creature that is Mother Nature."
"If I told you that man can control her," he questioned, "would you believe me?"
I replied "Whatever do you mean?"
He harrowed up, "I have created such a device to control her."
He showed me a contraption connected to the metal disk on the roof by a thin rubber tube.
He said "You would be in the right mind to be skeptical, but let me show you it works so that you believe me.
He flicked on a switch. Lights of different colors appeared on a nearby machine to my amazement. Then a burst of smoke erupted, causing my master distress.
"What seems to be wrong monsieur?" I exclaimed.
"The machine has broken and is on the verge of exploding." he said calmly.
"My goodness sir! How are you not shocked about such an idea!" I shouted over the machines which were now loudly beeping.
"Nothing shocks me. I'm a scientist." he shouted back, laughing maniacally.
"That's madness!" I said running out of the house.
The machine blew up the house. I now knew, that the devil indeed was the cause of that weather.
I love the dialogue driven portion. You're overall storytelling method ins interesting. Also a very interesting setting. Well done
DeleteIt takes a special kind of person to write like this and you would be the one to do it. 😂😂 the dialogue was really great between each character and the story became nicely developed. There really isn't anything to criticize about the mechanical side. But the ending seemed really abrupt and I was left looking for much more. This was a great beginning and middle, so the ending was lackluster.
Delete6/6/06
ReplyDelete22:35
It's late. I'm sitting at my laptop, anxious as I could possibly be. I sat there, pondering if I would be accepted. I had recently applied to be a part of a research team exploring he possibilities of extra-terrestrial life. I had made a handful of advancements in this field of study, which led to me requesting to work on site at Area 51. My peers and family have always criticized me, constantly telling me that I'll never find anything and I'm attempting to live in a fantasy. I grew up as an avid fan of the Star Wars and Predator films, which revolutionized my interest in extraterrestrial life. As I grew older, I focused more on the legitimate science in this field of research. Unfortunately, my family continues to judge me for my obsession. After endless harassment, I decided to move away. That's how I've gotten to where I am. I continue to sit in front of my laptop, waiting for a response the same way a presidential candidate awaits the result of the election. I anxiously await the end result of my excursion. I couldn't imagine missing out on this opportunity.
22:43
The power is out. So much for waiting for my response. I should check the fuse box. I throw on my Cookie Monster pajamas and a tshirt to scope out the scene. This ain't exactly the ideal way I wanted to spend my night.
22:47
Just came back inside. Something's outside in my shed. Given my profession, you could probably assume what I believe it is. You're probably thinking "this idiot thinks E.T. landed in his shed." Well, the way I see it, nothing should surprise me. I'm a scientist. I don't rule out anything in an observation. Whatever it is, I'm going to confront it.
23:59
My god, I was right. There was an unidentifiable creature in my shed. I felt prepared for the situation prior to my encounter. However, the shock hit me like a sack of bricks. It notices me. We lock eyes. I stand there, petrified. Do I speak? Do I run towards it and try to capture it? Is it here to kill me? Why me? The questions rush through my head faster than Usain Bolt during the 100M dash at the Olympics. It feels so unreal. I can't fathom it. And suddenly, as if it was scripted, it bolts past me. It's larger than I expected. I couldn't get a good look, but it was almost like a surreal cryptid from an urban legend. I look down, only to see scratches and abrasions all over my arms and legs. I'm not sure what to think of this scenario. No matter what happens with my paranormal career, this one experience I need to look into. For those who deny what it is, I'd like to close with a quote by astrophysicist Dr. Neil DeGrasse Tyson. "Extraterrestrial life doesn't exist? That's like taking a small glass of ocean water and saying there are no whales."
Nick, good job on your story. I especially liked the addition of the time frame in the story to give a feeling of progression in it. Keep it up.
DeleteNick, I really enjoy your blog! I love the details like "Cookie Monster pajamas" and how the narrator was a fan of Star Wars. Those were the special touches that I really enjoyed. Also the time made the blog organized and gave it a more of an intelligent feeling because it was in military time. Although, when the blog ended I was seeking more. I wish there was more to the story.
DeleteIt was another winter day in Pennsylvania, but this day was different than every other winter day. It was actually nice out and sunny. Drew and his dad just bought a drone. They wanted to spend the outside trying to figure out how to work the new drone. For all of you that done know what I drone is. It is a aircraft that you fly with a remote and you can take pictures with it. Neither drew or him dad knew how to work it, so they were going to spend he whole day together looking up information just spending the day together doing father son bonding stuff. Meanwhile Drews sister, Mackenzie, and her mom wanted to spend the day doing mother daughter bonding stuff, so they went out shopping and got manicures and pedicures, and pretty much took the day doing whatever they wanted to do. When Drew and his dad went outside to fly the drone it kept on getting stuck in the tree and they couldn't figure out what they were doing wrong, they decided that they were going to call the company and figure out what was going on with their new toy that they just spent all this money on. Of course the company didn't answer, so they just said they were going to have to figure out how to do it themselves. Mackenzie and her mom came home after being out all day and they come outside to find drew and his father still trying to get the new drone that they bought to work. They both seemed frustrated with what they were trying to do, and they were beginning to become very frustrated with both each other and the drone. Finally the phone rings and it's the company. Drews dad answers the phone and he is fuming with anger. He doesn't know why his drone keeps flying in the tree, the directions aren't helping, and the company won't answer the phone. Mackenzie and her mom don't even know what to do at this point because they just got their nails done, also they don't want to have anything to do with touching this drone cause that could lead to a smudged nail and they don't want that to happen. Meanwhile Drews dad is on the phone and he's yelling back and forth with the company, but he finds out that the drone that they got had a defect in it and they had to send him a new one. So it took a week for the new drone to come in the mail, when the drone finally came, drew and his dad got it all put together and it flew just like a charm, like nothing was even wrong with it. Comparing this drone to the last drone, it was like it was two totally different devices. Drews dad called the company back to thank them for sending them a new drone and to apologize for yelling at them on the phone. Drews dad said he just couldn't believe that the drone that they got first had a defect in it. The man on the phone replied back "nothing shocks me i'm a scientist". When he found out that the an he was talking to on the phone was a scientist he was in schlock and felt like a total fool for yelling at him to begin with. Everything is all good now Drew and him dad fly the drone all of the time together.
ReplyDeleteOne day, in the small village of Kersey, a big tractor trailer collided with another, much smaller, tractor trailer. Everyone from the houses came running out to see what has happened, finding a huge mess all over the road. One truck was full of dangerous chemicals while the other was full of iron and nickel. Everyone's first thoughts were of what the odds had to be that those two trucks with those specific items collided. The two drivers of the trucks got away safely, but now there's chemicals and metal all over the road. One man explained, "Well iron and nickel are the two basic metals of a magnet, could the two trucks have been pulled together by extreme force?" Others were confused and didn't really think that it could be the case, especially after another man stated that it couldn't have because the metal needed to be in a certain pattern to get a large magnetic force as such. They all argued and brought their ideas to the table until the police showed up. Everyone thought that they would have the answer, but apparently not. They interviewed everyone, one guy spoke his idea, the other guy said his, and the one openly says "nothing surprises me, I'm a scientist." Saying this made the police take the man over to the scene to figure it out and then it happened! BOOM! BANG! CLAP! SLAM! Everyone was jumping out of their shoes. The entire scene was on fire and swinging through the air like a tornado. A great big tornado made of metal and green and purple flames. It rose to the sky, taking the trucks with it, and then it exploded above the people's heads.
ReplyDeleteThe scientist wakes up from this weird dream, thinking to himself that this could never happen, and if it did, "nothing surprises me, I'm a scientist
I love how you used personal experience for this, but I think that you could've made it more exciting! Open with something interesting!
DeleteOh my gosh this was very interesting!! I'm not one to read articles about science mishaps and distraction, but I would definitely read this. I disagree with morgan on how she said you could have made this empire exciting. I thought it was plenty exciting. And maybe the reason she thought so was because of the length of the blog. Naturally, if something is longer, the more tendency it has to explain and therefore, be more exciting. But I do agree with a more interesting topic sentence. You could have used Pathos to really make a banging blog. But overall, I think you did well.
DeleteIt was a warm, sunny day that Saturday two scientists, Ed and Michael, were having a private meeting on what they wanted to do for their next experiment. They went back and forth with different ideas, bouncing them off of each other. It took the highly skilled scientists about two hours to come to a complete agreement on what they wanted to do. They decided they were going to experiment with cloning.
ReplyDeleteJust days later they met in the lab and discussed their strategy and what they wanted to do, but they bumped heads on one thing, what they were going to clone. Ed wanted to do a small animal first to test if they could do it, but Michael wanted to challenge what they could do and do a bigger animal. Ed suggested a squirrel and Michael suggested a cow. They decided to get the cells they needed from both a squirrel and a cow and then come to an agreement. Ed finally got Michael to say he agreed to doing the squirrel.
They started the experiment but the day they started, Michael stayed after hours, and he started the experiment over and used the cow cell. Of course, he never told Ed, so the entire experiment, Ed thought they were cloning a squirrel, but after awhile, when their cloning was completed, and before Ed's eyes was a baby cow instead of a baby squirrel, all he could say was "nothing shocks me, I'm a scientist."
Brandi, this blog has great potential, but there just wasn't enough. I really enjoyed what you had written, I just wish you would have expanded on your ideas.
DeleteBrandi, this blog seems that it was written in a bit of a hurry. I agree with Marcy, it does have great ideas, but it just needs a little more! I think for next time you should work on bringing your ideas deeper and clever!
DeleteI'm uncomfortable with this blog because it's not something I'm used to. I'm not very creative. My story begins sitting in class during 3rd period, I'm staring at the clock to for 10:05 to appear and the bell to ring. The class challenges me unlike other, it makes me think. It makes me worry. I feel afraid of falling short in my writing. As I continue this daily routine, we receive a prompt to write a paper about a bioethical issue. "What?" I think, "I don't even know what bioethics is." As the weeks went on, I did my research and picked my topic. This was going to be a lot harder than I originally thought. Finally, the due date came and I turned in my 8.6 page paper. I was relieved to get it out of my head, but I didn't. I just kept thinking about it, until we finally got it them back. All my research paid off, something I had never done before, when I received a nine. Noticing that I was shocked with how well I had done, Mrs. Messineo decided to give me some reassurance and a hug, of course. She said, "Nothing shocks me, I'm a scientist. You all think I'm just you're teacher, but I study you and know how capable of amazing writing you are."
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you were pressed with time writing this, and although it is very unique, I feel you could have extended more into your ideas. Sometimes it's better turning in something late and making sure it is the best you can do rather than turning something in on time and not having it done or being completed to the best ability. Your story is unique, but does not make complete sense in terms of flow. You are a good writer, make use of your ideas.
DeletePart 1)
ReplyDeleteI saw this as an opportunity. For this past week, I attended the worldwide seminar in Munich, Germany, and witnessed the Science U conventions. And since then, I felt more confident than ever knowing that I am fully capable of carrying out such experiments.
It was my last night in Munich so I decided to treat myself and visit all of the famous city venues, popular cites, and especially the beautiful Dom Cathedral. I decided to enter the church before I began my night to thank the Lord for giving me such a wonderful experience and opportunity as this one; thanking him for granting me such a blessing to attend the Science U convention and having the luck that I had.
One may not believe in luck, but I sure do. I attended Science U with my college roommate, Lucas Roe, and found out that he had connections with one of the board members of Science U. With that, we were introduced to none other than Robert Aquipo himself, the founder of "The Fractured Car," Science U's spotlight invention of today's age. "Mr. Aquipo, I would like to introduce you to Keith Roth and Lucas Young," said the man who knew Lucas, "they would like to speak with you." Lucas's connections led to us finding ourselves in the Science U board room, sitting across from Mr. Aquipo and his intellectual presence. Mr. Aquipo was a fancy businessman along with a science inventor, and his deeming eyes made me feel quite pressured until I unconsciously blurted out, "I like the suit you are wearing, is it a Davis?" ...Once I uttered that unprofessional, awkward question, I could feel Lucas's shocked persona starring at me. My inability to take advantage of the situation made everyone in the room very uneasy and as to why this time is not being used wisely, myself included. After Mr. Aquipo uttered some unpleasant statement under his breath, I gathered myself and began the conversation once again with his invention of "The Fractured Car."
Since I began with his invention, his essence changed in a split of a second. The tabloids had run stories about his airhead personality and his bold statements in which I began to think that they were not wrong. In that conversation, I said, "I followed your life long process of creating the FC (Fractured Car) for as long as I can remember; I am such a huge fan and aspire to be just like you. (If that didn't make his head big, I didn't know what would.) He was humbled by my statement and began to ask how Lucas and I how we heard of Science U and why we desired to be here. This is when I swallowed my fear and took that chance.
"Lucas is here as a good friend and a travel companion, however, I am here trying to find my way in life."
"On what terms do you speak of?" Asked Mr. Aquipo.
I ignored my nervousness and fear and said, "Well, I am a Science Intellect and Entrepreneurship major at the University of Pennsylvania. I heard about the Science U convention through my professor who believes in my ideas and pushed me to come here this week."
"Well he's a very smart man." I never thought these words would come out of his mouth, but those words I was dying to hear came through his deep, raspy voice saying, "If you don't mind me asking, what ideas have you constructed?"
My excitement was hard to contain but I looked at Lucas in which he had that look in his eyes he gets when we work on big semester projects when he knows, we only have one shot, one shot to make this happen. So then, I calmed myself down like every other time before we enter our professors classroom.
Part 2)
ReplyDeleteWith the elapsed time that passed, Mr. Aquipo was patiently waiting for a response but was enjoying my utter joy and muteness. I finally said, "Well, I've been working on this since I was a college sophomore and I am currently in first year of graduate school. Through many times of trial and error, I have found myself getting closer to my inventions answers. I am in the process of inventing the HomeBot 530. It is a computerized security entrance system that was inspired by my parents break-in when an intruder found a loophole in their home security system. My system allows home owners to use the computerized camera monitor to evaluate the person on the outside and if suspicious, sounds alarms, strobe lights, and has the option of an instant police station call. I have constructed many statistical studies on the regularity of failed home security systems in which led to my idea of the HomeBot 530. As it sounds now, it appears to be more of a technology invention, but I would like to bring more science into this possible life saving invention.
Through my long explanation, Mr. Aquipo kept his interest while saying, "Wow, I am impressed that a college graduate student such as yourself has the intellect to bring about a such invention. Now I'm sure you boys were hoping to get something out of this once in a lifetime opportunity you were given this week am I right?"
In confirmation I said, "Why yes actually. I felt my luck run short since today was the last night of the convention and I was still unsure how I would carry out this scientific invention. But now since Lucas and I are here sitting with none other than Mr. Aquipo himself, and our hopes may be far fetched, we were hoping you would have an interest in this invention and believe in mine and Lucas's capabilities of establishing Science U's next "spotlight invention of today's age."
While chuckling, Mr. Aquipo began saying, "I appreciate your confidence and your bull headed accusations for I was just like you in my young inventor years, but it takes more than a successful business man and scientific inventor to believe and invest in your item.
In absolute let down, I confirmed my stability and capability to him by saying, "Nothing shocks me, I'm a scientist (in the making) and am willing to take any risk involved with this.
Mr. Aquipo then flashed his famous sly grin expression I always saw in the tabloids and said, "That's just what I wanted to hear. You passed my test, son. I could tell you were extremely nervous entering into this board room conversation when you asked about my suit, but you recognized the importance of our meeting and pulled yourself together in an instance. I will send my lawyers over to your hotel room tomorrow afternoon to review your proposal and case statistics along with requirements. And by the way, it is a Davis."
Part 3)
ReplyDeleteI never would have expected my night to plan out this way. In jubilation, I said, "Yeah, I apologize for how our conversation started, but know I take this very professionally and seriously. I want to thank you for agreeing to sit down with us and listening to my invention. I know your a busy man, and on a side note, don't believe what the tabloids say." In my awkward laugh, I said, "You are a very intellectual and kind man. When I, I mean we, become famous with my invention, I'll be sure to tell them who the real you is!"
I looked at the board room clock and I could not believe the time, we have been in this room for 2 hours. It was now 11:00 pm and I gave Lucas the look that it's time for us to head out, but Mr. Aquipo beat me to the punch and said, "It was an absolute pleasure meeting two young, intellectual men as yourselves and I will be looking forward to meeting with you in the future."
Lucas and I expressed our gratitude towards the famous Mr. Aquipo and left the convention center jumping up and down and singing at the top of our lungs, "I've got the power!!"
For that night was the second last night for Lucas and I in Munich, Germany, and is where Lucas and I's life would never be the same.
So I found it appropriate to visit the Lord on my last night in Germany and thank him for allowing a safe and blessed experience in my life. It's been said that the Lord never sleeps, and this week I acknowledged the truth to that statement. He came half way across the world with me and spent day in and day out on the opportunity that I was given. So I sat in the first pew in front of the beautiful Dom Cathedral altar and just took in the amazing life I was given. "I can do all things in the Lord who strengthen me."